Wish List

I've been trying to control what I buy this year, but when I do finally relapse into my shopaholic ways, these will be my first purchases:

Keds

blazer

sewing machine

bgirl/hip hop clothes

camera

nude heels

red heels

blue shoes

cute, warm winter hat

holga camera

fisheye camera

Fall 2010 Plan

goals, dreams, things that need to get done, things i hope to get done.

()get healthy

()healthier skin

()healthier hair

()eat healthy

()exercise

()do well in school (4.0, here i come! maybe...no...probably not. :P)

()figure out my major/minors/career/general direction in life, hahaha

()get involved with more extracurriculars

()Put God first

()pray every day

()read the Bible every day

()go to church every week

()become a neat/clean/organized person, starting with my room

()make new friends

()deepen old relationships

()sustain my LDR

(X) learn how to read/write Chinese (traditional)

() improve my Taiwanese
() blog/write

() post on lookbook

() learn how to fix cars

() learn how to do flower arrangements

() learn how to rap

() self-reflect

(X) sew

() bgirl/hip hop

(Impossible Dreams-ish

()sing

()model

()act

a sigh of relief

there is something horribly uncomfortable about being bored. it is not quite the lack of things to do, but the things i do do while i am bored. the mindless hours of tv, internet, and phone, the sleeping, the napping, the snacking. that isn't the worst of it. the worst is when you are left with nothing but your own thoughts. i'm not saying the thoughts themselves are terrible, but the fact that you have nothing but your own thoughts is. why, you ask? well, there is no one to give you feedback, i suppose, no one to bounce ideas off of or to challenge your thinking. i have nothing against self-reflection, don't get me wrong, i think it's a very beneficial exercise that everyone should engage in at least once a year. but how beneficial can that self-reflection be unless you truly take a critical eye to yourself, and how much easier would it be for those closest to you to point out to you what they see? you may not agree with what others say, but they must have a reason for perceiving you the way they do. whether or not their perception is correct is irrelevant, the only matter is that such a perception exists and what you will do to change it.

Summer 2010 Plan

() learn how to read/write Chinese (traditional)

() improve my Taiwanese

() blog/write

(X)read the Bible

(X) post on lookbook

() learn how to fix cars

() self-reflect

(X) figure out classes/major

(X) sew

() bgirl/hip hop

() travel narrative

(X) learn how to cook from my Dad

() create a fashion style for my bff

Impossible Dreams-ish

()sing

()model

()act

Taiwan Summer 2010

() clubbing

(X)Spark

(X)Luxy

()Primo

(X)Room 18

()eating(this list is not even close to exhaustive)

() Korean BBQ

(X) Roasted Corn

(X) sushi

(X) mango (chua bing, bing sha, fresh...)

(X) Ding Tai Fong

() moo gua niu nai

() spa day with Jessi

() massages

(X) sticker pictures

(X) KTV

(X) hair cut

(X) lots of shopping....lots.

And things I didn't plan on doing, but ended up doing

getting stung by a bee

getting burned by a girl's cigarette

falling in love

harvesting rice

meeting Amy

losing weight

eating tons of froyo

almost performing for the Vice President of Taiwan

kissing on stage in front of 400 people

watching Inception and Despicable Me and a whole bunch of other movies (i'm not a movie person)

setting off fireworks in Taoyuan and the police coming to see what the commotion was about

living in the (relatively) rural Jhongli and surviving

impossible dreams

you know those careers that your Asian parents don't really consider careers but you've always secretly wanted to try? if this life weren't so focused on money, on the needs of life than living life, there are a few careers I'd want to try out: acting, modeling, singing, dancing, and fashion design.

Acting-when I was a freshman, we had to present a scene from Romeo and Juliet. I was still breaking out of my shell, still introverted, yet I somehow managed to get the "Best Actress" award while playing a man, Lord Capulet. I had the weirdest costume...I'm sure it involved ballet slippers and a Mexican bean vest. Sadly, I haven't really done much acting since unless it's for class.

Modeling-I actually got my parents agree to let me try out for America's Next Top Model Petite Cycle, but I wasn't 18 in time for the auditions :(. I also made it through one round of Miss Teen New Hampshire, but didn't pursue it further. I simply think modeling would be fun, but then again, it probably is a lot more pressure-intensive than I dream it up to be. The obvious problem, though, is my 5'1'' stature, something that I cannot alter.

Singing-I have a tumultuous relationship with singing. While I enjoy singing, I cannot sightsing or harmonize or really even follow a piano. One of the several regrets in my life is not learning how to play piano properly. I say properly because my mother was my piano teacher, and as a result, I despised the piano and purposefully never learned it correctly. Now I can't ever really sing beyond serenading people on the MRT in Taipei or in the shower.

Dancing-So this is probably the most impossible of the four, simply because the last time I had real dance training was when I was eight and did ballet when every little second-grade girl did ballet. Add to that my clumsy body, and that makes for one impossible dream, but a dream, nonetheless.

Fashion Design-This is probably the most possible of the impossible (possibly impossible? impossibly possible?) I've always been into clothing, shopping, shoes, handbags at one point...I've liked going through closets and helping people put outfits together. None of this, I realized this semester, can really help me to become a fashion designer. I can't draw for my life, nor do I have enough creativity to design. Also, if I learned nothing else from my Fashion Design class this semester, I realized that sewing machines and I are not friends.

What are your impossible dreams?

childhood dreams

so a recent gchat conversation with Alex reminded me of this thought: as a child, whenever I'd travel with my dad, we would rent a car and just drive by all these homes, and when i was little, i wondered what it would be like to live the life of the people inside. like what if i lived a sort of "day in the life" of every person? i must have been such a strange child to have thoughts like this. my mother always said i had a unique way of thinking. or did she say i didn't think like anyone else? i forget....hmmmm. new creative non-fiction piece? i think so........

Origin/Taiwanese Part 2

Origin

When people ask me where I’m from, I hesitate. I also sometimes forget what I answer, and I tell different things to different people. It’s not that I’m trying to lie or hide that I live in a blue-collar, working class town that is proud of its Wal-mart, Target, BJ’s, Barnes and Noble, and shopping mall. It’s not that I’m trying to purport myself as a privileged person if I say Andover, MA, or as a sophisticated, urban person by answering Boston.

Typically, I say New Hampshire for the sake of simplicity, because it is my permanent home address (which must give it some sort of legitimacy as claim to where I’m from) and, because, well, how many people do you know from New Hampshire? It just makes it easier for you to remember me, for me to stand out in your mind. Then there is the complicated question of how I’m also from Andover, MA, because that’s where I went to high school and that’s where my dad lives. So, sometimes, I say Boston, because that is the largest city closest to me.

At one point or another, the inconsistency is exposed and I have to explain that my parents are divorced. This is usually followed with an “Oh, I’m sorry,” or “That sucks,” or my personal favorite, “So do you get twice the stuff?” Then there are the people, which I for some reason frequently encounter when I visit different churches in New England, that ask where I’m from as though I should answer some exotic land or some Asian country because clearly, if you’re not Caucasian, you can’t actually be from America, right? So that conversation goes as follows:

“Hi, where are you from?”

“Oh, I’m from Salem, New Hampshire.”

“No, I mean, what nationality are you?”

“Well, my passport says I’m American.”

At this point the other party is significantly embarrassed enough to phrase their question properly, only to find that I say, perhaps out of my inherited, sassy nature, “Guess.” Then the conversation continues:

“Chinese.”

“No, the Chinese are our enemy.”

“Oh. Japanese? Korean? Cambodian? Vietnamese? Thai? Filipino?”

Then it really becomes more of a Guess-whatever-Asian-nationality-you-can-think-of-and-have-heard-of game.

“No.”

“Well, then, what are you?”

This is when my mother adores entering the conversation to explain how Taiwan and China have been separated since the Qing Dynasty, how our family was on the island for seven generations before Chiang Kai-shek (whom we fondly call Chiang Kai-shi, with “Kai-shi” translating as “should die”) invaded, how we speak two separate languages, that she actually can’t understand Chinese people speak Chinese (she understands most of it but their accent gives her goosebumps) but yes, we do speak Mandarin (with a different accent), but also speak Taiwanese, and that our characters are different, and how our culture is closer to the Japanese (only in some regards, my grandparents grew up during the Japanese occupation of Taiwan, speak Japanese fluently in addition to three other languages, and essentially admire Japanese culture), that our mannerisms and etiquette are different from the Chinese (we have it, they don’t), that Taiwan is de facto independent, that China has 1800 missiles pointed at us, that we have our own President, aboriginal tribes, that she’s part Dutch ( I am 1/32 Dutch) because my great-great-great-great-great grandfather was half Dutch and had a pointy nose and was six feet tall (which did me no good since I am 5’1”), how the Portuguese and Dutch colonized Taiwan.

But I won’t bore you with the details.